How to Talk to Your Child About Autism in a Positive, Non-Stigmatizing Way
Written by: Elizabeth Solomon Loyola, Psy,D
If you're wondering how to talk to your child or teen about autism, you're not alone. This is one of the most common questions parents ask us at the Child Psychology Center—especially after a new diagnosis or when their child starts noticing they experience the world a little differently. Maybe your child already knows the word “autism.” Maybe they’ve just started therapy and have questions. Or maybe you are still learning what autism means for your family.
No matter where you are on the journey, this is a chance to help your child better understand themselves—and to do it in a way that builds confidence, not shame. You don’t need to get it perfect. You just need to come from a place of honesty, respect, and support.
Our Psychologist’s Top Tips:
Every Brain Works Differently
Autism is a natural brain difference. It’s not something to “fix.” It just means your child experiences the world in a unique way. They may notice sounds or lights that others don’t and respond more strongly. They might need more predictable routines to feel safe. They might struggle with changes, but remember amazing facts, or create brilliant stories. These are all part of how their brain works. This is the kind of information you can share with your child—slowly, over time. You don’t have to jump into a full conversation about therapies or accommodations at school. Start simple. Help them understand themselves rather than take on the bigger subject or issues. That’s the first and most important step.
Start With What Your Child Already Knows
Most kids and teens already know they are different in some way. Maybe they feel overwhelmed at school. Maybe they’ve noticed they don’t like loud places, or that friendships are confusing. You can begin there, at the point your child is aware of in some way.
For example, you might say, "Have you noticed how you like quiet more than other people? Or how you’re really great at remembering things, but group work can feel hard? That’s because your brain works in its own cool way." This helps your child understand their strengths and their challenges without making them feel broken or “less than.”
You Don’t Have to Use the Word “Autism” Right Away
Some parents aren’t ready to say “autism” yet. That’s okay. You can still help your child understand their brain using positive, supportive language.
Try saying things like, "Your brain is wired for deep thinking," or "You notice things other people miss," or "You might need more breaks during the day, and that’s okay." Later on, when you’re ready and when your child seems ready, you can share the word “autistic” with confidence and pride.
If You Do Use the Word ‘Autism’, Use It with Care, Kindness—and a Plan
Some teens already know the word “autism” from school, media, or therapy. But they may only know what others assume it means, or what others imply it means, often in less than positive ways. This is your chance to help them understand what it really means—and what it doesn’t. You might explain, "Autism is just a way to describe how your brain works. Some things are easier for you. Some things are harder. You’re different, not broken. And different is not bad."
After you introduce the word “autism” or “autistic,” your child may have questions—or they might not. That’s okay. Some children need time to process this information, and questions might come up later. Let them know they can come back to it any time.
Also, it’s important to talk about who they might want to share this information with—and who they might not. You can say, "This is part of who you are. Some people share it, and some people keep it private. You get to decide who you trust with that information." Help your child think about whether they want to tell teachers, classmates, or extended family members. Let them know it’s okay to keep it private if that feels safest right now. This empowers them to set boundaries and to start building self-advocacy skills from a young age.
Talk About Strengths and Struggles
A lot of parents search for “mental health therapy for teens with autism” or “autism support groups for teens” because they’re worried about their child’s challenges. That’s valid—but don’t forget the strengths.
Common autistic strengths:
· Excellent memory
· Honest and direct communication
· Strong sense of fairness
· Creative thinking
· Deep focus on topics of interest
Common challenges:
· Anxiety or overwhelm in busy places
· Sensory sensitivity (to sound, light, touch, etc.)
· Trouble with social cues or group settings
· Difficulty with changes or transitions
Let your child know that we all have things we’re good at and things we’re still learning. That’s true for every brain—autistic or not. It’s a simple fact of being human.
Keep the Conversation Going
You don’t need to say everything at once. This can be a slow, gentle and unfolding process, which takes place over many conversations and even years. Let your child know, "You can always ask me questions. We’ll learn about this together."
Many families also explore autism therapy for teenagers at this stage. Just be sure to choose therapists who understand autism in a neuro-affirming way. Therapy should focus on building self-esteem and tools for navigating a world that isn’t always made with neurodivergent people in mind. Avoid therapies that try to make your child seem “less autistic” or force them to mask who they are. (Some types of ABA therapy for adolescents – applied behavioral analysis - have been criticized for this. So if you explore ABA, ask lots of questions and make sure it feels respectful and empowering.)
Explore Stories and Resources Together
Many teens feel proud when they learn about others who think like them. Sharing books or videos created by autistic people can help. Some great starting points:
· The Girl Who Thought in Pictures (about Temple Grandin)
· A Kind of Spark by Elle McNicoll (middle-grade novel)
· YouTube creators like Paige Layle or Purple Ella (teen-friendly and autistic-led)
· Autistic-led support groups or teen hangouts in your community
Many parents also look for support groups for autistic teens so their child doesn’t feel alone. Sometimes connecting with “people who get it” is the best kind of therapy.
What To Do If Your Child Struggles With the Information
If your child gets upset, don’t panic. Let them have their feelings. You can reassure them by saying something like, "It’s okay to be unsure. I’m here, and I love you exactly as you are."
Sometimes a teen’s first question is, "Does this mean something’s wrong with me?", or even, “Is my brain broken?” This is a chance to tell them—clearly and often—that nothing is wrong. Their brain just works differently, and that’s something to understand and celebrate.
You're Not Alone—And You Don’t Have to Figure It Out By Yourself
Helping your child or teen understand their autistic identity is a journey. Whether you use the label or not, what matters most is that your child feels safe, understood, and accepted. You are their first and most important source of support. By using kind, honest language—and by focusing on strengths as well as challenges—you’re helping your child grow into a more confident, self-aware person.
And if you’re still not sure where to start, that’s okay too. This is complicated and a challenge for you as a parent. Our neuro-affirming team of experts at the Child Psychology Center is here to help. We offer autism therapy for people of all ages including: social skills support, and guidance for families navigating diagnosis, self-understanding, and next steps. If you're struggling with how to talk to your child about autism, reach out to us—we're here for you.
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Our Services
Child Psychology Center offers neuro-affirming, culturally competent, evidence-based therapy for children (ages 0+), teens and caregivers. We offer virtual therapy for people throughout all of California, and we offer in-person therapy near San Diego (in Carlsbad, CA) and Sacramento. Our services are available in both English and Mandarin. Our licensed psychologists offer psychological assessments. While our therapists specialize in treating children, we also treat adults. We specialize in treating anxiety, child behavioral problems, obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD), ADHD, Autism, and Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). We offer parent coaching and consultation. We would love to support you along your journey. Reach out for a free 15-minute consultation today!
