Not Just a Phase: Signs Your Child or Teen May Be Struggling with Trauma
Not all wounds are visible. For children and teens, some experiences—whether sudden and dramatic or slow and subtle—can be deeply distressing, even if they don’t seem “traumatic” to adults. A relatively minor car accident, a parent's divorce, repeated household moves, or even a household where expectations are always high and emotions are rarely discussed – any of these can overwhelm a child’s sense of safety and security.
How Children and Teens Experience Trauma
Not all wounds are visible. For children and teens, some experiences—whether sudden and dramatic or slow and subtle—can be deeply distressing, even if they don’t seem “traumatic” to adults. A relatively minor car accident, a parent's divorce, repeated household moves, or even a household where expectations are always high and emotions are rarely discussed – any of these can overwhelm a child’s sense of safety and security.
Should I be worried that my child has “been traumatized”?
Some trauma are capital T – Trauma - where life and physical well-being are threatened. Some are lower case t – trauma - where there is no physical danger, but significant emotional impact instead. Capital T trauma would be something like a physical assault/abuse towards a child. Lower case t trauma would be a child who is teased repeatedly by other kids, or by a family member to a degree that causes emotional distress.
When children don’t get the support they need during or after any stressful experience, it can affect their emotions, behavior, relationships, and ability to learn. That’s why understanding childhood trauma—and how it can show up in a child—is so important.
What Is Childhood Trauma?
Childhood trauma refers to the response to an event or series of events that feel frightening, overwhelming, or unsafe. It’s not just the event itself that matters, but how the child experiences it and their emotional response to the experience. Of course, it’s important whether they had someone to help them feel supported, soothed, and protected afterward. An example would be a child witnessing, or even “just” overhearing, intense conflict between their parents, especially if the child is young. This can be very frightening and confusing, and if there is no comfort offered by trusted adults, can cause a child to have difficulty sleeping, or feel quite anxious, or lose their appetite. Sometimes, a child can have comfort and a supportive adult, but they still have a significant reaction to the “trauma.”
What is Developmental Trauma?
A particularly serious form of trauma is developmental trauma, which refers to repeated exposure to significant adversity during the early years when the brain is rapidly developing. This includes experiences like emotional neglect, unpredictable caregiving, verbal hostility, or exposure to ongoing stress in the home. Over time, developmental trauma can disrupt a child’s ability to regulate their own emotions, trust others, pay attention consistently, and feel safe in the world. An example would be a child whose parent (or parents) are repeatedly distracted by stresses in the parent’s life such that the parent is less attentive to the child repeatedly. The child might feel alone, hurt, rejected, and respond with withdrawal perhaps, or more angry behavior perhaps.
Understanding ACEs (Adverse Childhood Experiences)
Many of the experiences that cause childhood trauma fall into the category of Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs). These are events or environments that overwhelm a child’s ability to cope, especially when support is limited or absent.
ACEs are more common than many people think, and they’re not limited to extreme cases of abuse or neglect. Children from middle- and upper-middle-class homes can and do experience ACEs.
ACE Examples include:
· Physical, emotional, or sexual abuse
· Emotional or physical neglect
· Parental separation, divorce, especially divorces and/or custody arrangements that are high conflict in any ongoing way
· Death or serious illness of a loved one
· Parental mental illness, including untreated anxiety or depression
· Substance use in the home
· Chronic family conflict or emotional unavailability from caregivers
· Excessive academic pressure or perfectionism in the home
· Bullying (in-person or online)
· Frequent relocations or school changes
· Medical trauma or repeated hospitalizations
· Exposure to community or school violence
How Adults and Children Experience and Process Trauma Differently
Even when there’s no obvious trauma that is life threatening, children may still feel emotionally overwhelmed or unsafe. What seems manageable or even “normal” perhaps, to an adult may feel deeply confusing or scary to a child. Remember, children do not have the same intellectual abilities as adults to understand and think through situations. If they don’t have a safe, trusted adult to help them process those feelings, make sense of a situation, and regain a feeling of safety, their distress can stay stored in the body and brain—and show up in ways that are often misunderstood.
Example of a “lower t” trauma for children/teens
A seemingly benign example might be a parent, or parents, who intensely stress the need to perform in school with perfection, even if support is offered in the form of help with homework or extra tutoring being provided. While this is in the child’s best interests to perform exceptionally in school, relentless pressure and demands can also feel overwhelming and endlessly negative to the child. If the child does perform exceptionally, they still may feel such pressure that they begin to experience anxiety, excessive worry or fear about possible failure, or angry resentment.
How Trauma Shows Up in Children and Teens
Children rarely say, “I’m feeling traumatized.” Instead, their pain comes out through changes in behavior, mood, relationships, or physical health.
Trauma can look different from one child to another. Some children shut down and become withdrawn. Others act out, become aggressive, or seem “hyper.” Some develop physical symptoms, like stomach aches or sleep problems. Teens may pull away socially, take risks, or appear depressed.
These behaviors are often mistaken by adults for ADHD, anxiety, depression, or behavioral disorders. While some of those conditions may be present, it’s important to look beneath the surface and consider whether trauma could be playing a role.
Children may not be able to articulate what’s wrong—but their behavior is always a form of communication.
Example of behaviors in children that could be signs of trauma:
Johnny is a seven year old boy whose family has moved several times in his life already because one of his parents has a high-powered professional job that requires re-locating every few years. So, when Johnny is starting second grade, it’s one more such move and one more new school in a series of several new schools already, to which he responds with headaches and complaints of being ill. After ruling out any genuine medical condition, it’s crucial to acknowledge that he’s experiencing trauma-related symptoms, in part exacerbated by his parents being preoccupied with the transitions each of them are having to make in their own lives.
An Expert Assessment Is Important
Trauma Assessments available in-person in Sacramento and San Diego and virtually throughout California
Because trauma can show up in so many ways, it’s easy to misdiagnose or misunderstand what’s really going on. That’s why a professional assessment with a trauma-informed clinician is so valuable. A thoughtful, developmentally appropriate evaluation can help identify whether trauma is contributing to your child’s challenges, and then guide you toward more effective support.
The goal of an assessment isn’t just to give a label—it’s to understand the child in context of their life: their history, environment, developmental stage, and unique strengths. Getting this bigger-picture view helps ensure that helpful interventions are in place early, before problems deepen and become more well-established.
Early Intervention Matters
Childhood trauma doesn’t usually go away on its own. Left unaddressed, it can shape how a child sees themselves and the world around them for years to come. It can interfere with learning, relationships, physical health, and emotional wellbeing well into adulthood.
But there is hope. Children and teens are resilient—especially when they have access to the right kind of help. With therapy and support, they can learn to feel safer again, understand and express their feelings more fully, and build stronger, more trusting relationships.
Evidence-Based Trauma Treatments Available in-person in Carlsbad and Sacramento and virtually throughout California
Not all therapies are created equal. For children and adolescents who have experienced trauma, the following treatments have strong research backing their effectiveness:
Trauma-Focused Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (TF-CBT):
This structured approach helps children process traumatic memories, develop coping strategies, and restore a sense of safety. TF-CBT includes active involvement from caregivers and is widely considered the gold standard for treating trauma in children and teens.
Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR):
EMDR helps children and teens reprocess traumatic memories in a way that reduces emotional distress connected to the trauma. It has strong evidence for use with older children and adolescents.
Parent-Child Interaction Therapy (PCIT):
For younger children, PCIT improves emotion regulation and behavior by strengthening the caregiver-child relationship. It teaches parents effective ways to respond to emotional and behavioral needs of their kids, helping to restore a greater sense of safety and connection.
These approaches are structured, time-limited, and tailored to your child’s developmental needs. They focus not just on “fixing behavior,” but on healing the roots of the pain.
What Parents Can Do To Help Their Child Who Has Faced Trauma
If you’re worried about your child, you don’t have to wait for things to get worse. Here are a few steps you can take right now:
Pay attention to patterns
…changes in sleep, appetite, school performance, or mood matter.
Be curious instead of critical
…ask yourself what might be underneath the behavior.
Stay calm and consistent
…predictability helps children feel safe.
Validate your child’s feelings
…even if they don’t make sense to you.
Limit exposure to stressors
…when possible, and build in time for rest and connection with trusted adults.
Reach out for professional support from someone who understands trauma in children.
We're Here to Help
At the Child Psychology Center, we specialize in helping children and teens who have experienced trauma. We offer thorough, compassionate assessments and use only evidence-based treatments that are backed by research. Our team works closely with families to make sure children feel safe, supported, and understood.
