Reassurance-Seeking in Teens With OCD: When Anxiety Goes Quiet (and Internal)
Written by: Elizabeth Loyola, PsyD
The repeated questions that once came directly to parents may fade, and on the surface, this can look like improvement. Your teen might stop asking, “Are you sure?” or “Did I do something wrong?” and instead appear quieter, more withdrawn, or increasingly stuck in their own thoughts.
But reassurance-seeking hasn’t necessarily gone away. It has likely moved inside.
A Brief Overview of OCD and ERP
OCD is an anxiety-based condition characterized by intrusive, unwanted thoughts, images, or urges that create distress. These obsessions push the brain to seek relief through behaviors or mental actions called compulsions. In adolescence, compulsions are often mental rather than visible.
The most effective treatment for OCD is Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP). ERP helps teens gradually face feared thoughts, situations, or sensations while resisting the urge to seek certainty or reassurance. Over time, the brain learns that anxiety is uncomfortable but not dangerous, and that it naturally decreases without being “solved.”
If you are parenting a younger child, reassurance-seeking often looks more direct and verbal. That developmental stage is explored in Part 1: Understanding OCD in Young Children.
How Reassurance-Seeking Changes in Adolescence
As teens strive for independence, reassurance-seeking becomes more subtle. A teen with OCD may mentally review whether they said something wrong, replay events to make sure they didn’t hurt someone, or search online for answers that promise certainty. Some teens still seek reassurance from parents, often through texts or repeated conversations, while others rely entirely on internal rituals.
Although these behaviors can look like “overthinking,” they function just like physical compulsions. They reduce anxiety briefly, but they train the brain to believe that certainty is necessary for safety. Over time, OCD grows stronger, not weaker.
Why Teens Don’t Always Ask for Reassurance
Many teens feel embarrassed by their intrusive thoughts or worry about being misunderstood. They may fear judgment or feel pressure to manage anxiety independently. As a result, reassurance-seeking often becomes invisible.
Parents may sense that something is wrong but struggle to put their finger on it. Teens might say, “I just need to think this through,” or “I need to be sure,” without realizing that the thinking itself has become the problem.
Why This Can Be So Hard for Parents
Parents of teens often feel caught in an impossible position. You want to help, but you also want to avoid saying the wrong thing. You want your teen to feel better, but you’ve learned that reassurance can feed OCD. Sitting with your teen’s discomfort—especially when they are distressed or withdrawn—can feel unbearable.
ERP asks parents to tolerate this discomfort alongside their teen. This does not mean being distant or withholding support. It means offering empathy without certainty and confidence without answers. While this can feel difficult in the short term, it supports long-term gains in your teen’s ability to manage OCD independently.
What to Say Instead of Reassuring
Parents often ask, “If I don’t reassure, what do I say?” The goal is not silence, but a shift in language.
When a teen asks, “Do you think I did something wrong?” a supportive ERP-aligned response might sound like, “I can hear how upsetting that thought is, and I can’t help OCD get certainty. I trust you to handle this feeling.”
If a teen insists, “I just need to figure this out,” a parent might respond, “That sounds like OCD trying to pull you into mental checking. What happens if you let the question stay unanswered for a bit?”
When anxiety shows up repeatedly through texting or late-night conversations, it can help to say, “I care about you and I want to support you, but answering this would make OCD stronger. What skill are you practicing right now? Can I help you find a way to manage this differently?”
These responses validate the emotional experience while gently reinforcing ERP principles.
How ERP Looks Different for Teens
ERP with teens is collaborative and autonomy-focused. Teens are encouraged to identify their own OCD patterns, set goals that matter to them, and practice exposures that align with their values. Parents shift from managing symptoms to supporting skill use.
Through ERP, teens learn that they do not need to eliminate uncertainty to move forward. They begin to experience anxiety as something they can tolerate rather than something that controls their choices.
Confidence grows from practicing discomfort, not from avoiding it.
Supporting Teens Without Enabling the OCD
Parents can remain emotionally available without providing reassurance. This might look like listening without debating the content of OCD fears, acknowledging how difficult the anxiety feels, and encouraging your teen to use strategies they have learned in therapy.
Connection stays intact, even when reassurance stops.
What Progress Really Looks Like
Progress does not mean anxiety disappears. Teens may still experience spikes in distress, especially during transitions or periods of stress. What changes is their response.
They spend less time ruminating, recover more quickly from anxiety, and make decisions based on values rather than fear. Setbacks are part of the process and do not mean treatment is failing.
Letting your teen experience discomfort can feel counterintuitive and painful. It may go against every instinct you have as a parent. But short-term discomfort leads to long-term gains.
When you step back from reassurance, you are not abandoning your teen. You are showing them that they are capable of handling hard things.
When to Seek Support
If your teen is caught in cycles of rumination, mental checking, or reassurance-seeking, specialized treatment can help. At The Child Psychology Center, we provide evidence-based Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP) therapy for teens and families affected by OCD. Our clinicians work closely with parents to help them support treatment while maintaining connection and trust.
You and your teen don’t have to navigate OCD alone.
Our Services
Child Psychology Center offers neuro-affirming, culturally competent, evidence-based therapy for children (ages 0+), teens and caregivers. We offer virtual therapy for people throughout all of California, and we offer in-person therapy near San Diego (in Carlsbad, CA) and Sacramento. Our services are available in both English and Mandarin. Our licensed psychologists offer psychological assessments. While our therapists specialize in treating children, we also treat adults. We specialize in treating anxiety, child behavioral problems, obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD), ADHD, Autism, and Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). We offer parent coaching and consultation. We would love to support you along your journey. Reach out for a free 15-minute consultation today!
